It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
