moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
