Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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