Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
