I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
