a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
