Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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