she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
