I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
