so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
