My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
