They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
