i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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