Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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