You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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