my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
