I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
