i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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