You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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