Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
