i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
