You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
