im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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