It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
