Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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