He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize