You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
