That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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