that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
