I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
