He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
