I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
