remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
