First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm having to shit out rocks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
