It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
