I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
