how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
