I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
