Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
