Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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