nut hugger
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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