Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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