On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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