Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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