now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
