we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
