The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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