just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
