So drunk its hurt
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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