I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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