Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
