If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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