i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize