I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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