he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize