so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
