You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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