Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
