Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
