Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
