This girl is more easily done than said...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize