Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
