i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize