Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
