Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
