Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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