The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
