she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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