Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I understand Curling. That high.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
